Have you ever found yourself in a battle without realizing it? Sun Tzu opined, “To secure ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself.”
No one comes into a situation in a defensive posture, unless they recognize what is happening. We are not wired to be hypervigilant. Security and complacency can rob us of our purpose. Security in a relationship, company, job, or ‘anything’ takes your attention away from God. Our complacency in safety leads to a lack of awareness of danger. In hindsight, I did not believe my security was placed in anything other than God. I got a dose of reality.
Journal entry April 2023 –Last night, I dreamt about a huge snake and rats. The snake was extremely big, and it killed a lady. It came through a big space in the wall (like a crawl space). I wanted to understand what the snake wanted. So, I was terrified, but I spoke to it and asked the snake to go back and eat the lady, there was nothing here. I realized there was a smaller snake and that both were after the rats that had infested the place. The rats were there because of the filth. The snake did not come after me, but I knew it was there, I felt its presence. Today, I felt such an overwhelming sense of heaviness and anxiety. God, I know that John 14:27 talks about the peace that You give me. Not as the world does.
What I remember about that dream was that in the crawl space there was dust and when the dust settled, I saw the snake and its enormous size. Analyzing the dream, I wrestled with my thoughts. Then it came, one small slight happened here and there. They seemed innocent enough. But before long, I was battling an atmosphere of fear and intimidation. I ignored the treatment originally, giving those around me a pass. Soon thereafter, I started each work day in a defensive posture. Sundays were hardest, because then came Monday. I tried to hide it from those around me. I was dripping with negativity. After each interaction, I evaluated my actions to determine if there was anything I could have done differently. I grappled with my inner turmoil. I would encourage myself, to put on the whole armor, Alaina. Over time, I felt the impression from God, Alaina your work here is done. It was time to move on.
Journal entry December 2023 – Had a dream a few weeks ago. I walked through this dark place (like a box or a cave). As I walked, I spoke with the authority of God. I had to speak loudly to make it through the dark place. I felt no fear or concern; I felt confident.
During a recent event, I spoke to students about my experiences that led me to the identities I carried: Veteran, Mother and Wife, Lifelong Learner, Runner, Writer, Speaker, Researcher, and Executive Director. Notice, I listed my professional title as the least important identity. Later, I pondered what the title meant, especially if I no longer held it. There was deep sense of loss, regret, and anger. I felt like my dreams were stolen from me. And, I wanted others to others to pay for what they’d done. All of the years I spent building a brand only to have it destroyed in a matter of months. I wanted to call some people outside, take my earrings off, and throw some hands. My biases about a certain ‘type’, ‘group’, ‘them’ seemed supported. There were some not so nice names I called them. But that’s over now.
Embracing the courage to stand strong
Do not be afraid of the nations there, for the Lord your God will fight for you. Deuteronomy 3:22
My daily routine was to lie in bed, cry and pray to be rescued. God was like, um, I told you it’s time to move go. In the book of Judges, God told Gideon he had too many warriors (Judges 7:2). Gideon had to trust God and probably felt like, why would God reduce the number of warriors. But, God wanted to be sure everyone knew He intervened and led Gideon to victory.
Sometimes, God brings about circumstances and situations to strengthen our confidence in Him. I finally embraced what God was saying and a wave of emotion came over me. As I pushed through the final days of that toxic environment, I prayed and asked God to show me a way of escape. God provided an even better way! He turned the tables and gave me the opportunity to uncover what He wants me to do next. He gave me the strength to stand firm on His word. The labels others placed on me, I turned them around as the positive attributes God had given me.
When I recognized I was embroiled in a battle, I exercised the authority given to me. We give our authority away when we give others power to torment and assign ‘their’ values and beliefs. It is hard to exercise the courage to stand for what you believe when it might cost. But I encourage us to consider the cost and pave the way for those who come behind us. I’d prefer to answer the call God has placed on me to change the world one person at a time, and embody other identities: entrepreneur, author, life coach, podcaster, encourager, and blogger. I want to be where God wants me to be, at the right place, at the right time.
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. Ecclesiastes 9:11
Ecclesiastes 9:11 has new meaning for me. Just because a person holds a position of power does not guarantee their victory. There is no fear in the love of God because His perfect love casts out all fear. Therefore, we should not be afraid, give God the opportunity to fight for us. Leverage His strength and your authority to overcome.
Share your stories of resilience and triumph in the ‘comments’ section.